WHAT TO DO IF A FRIEND OR PARTNER HAS BEEN RAPED
Most of us are unaware of the reality of rape until it happens to us or someone close.
If a woman in your life has been raped it is important that you believe and support her.
Accept what she says.
You may feel angry or violent at the rapist ñ especially if it is someone you know. But the womanís needs are paramount. She will be struggling to come to terms with what has happened to her. She must decide what she wants to do. A violent response by you will only add to her trauma, especially if you are injured or subsequently charged.
Allow the woman the choice to talk or stay silent. The details of the rape may be too difficult and degrading to explain to a loved one. Encourage her to contact the Rape Crisis & Sexual Abuse Centre ñ often it is easier to speak to a stranger. This is not a reflection on your relationship. Do not see this as a failure on the part of either of you.
The decision to report to the police must be taken by the woman. Do not try and force her to go against her will, and to dissuade her from going in an attempt to protect her.
Believe her, don't cast doubts or ask why sheÖwent outÖdrank alcoholÖ.wore nice clothesÖ..took a lift with a rapist (who she probably knew)Ö.was too trusting?
The woman may not react the way you think she should. She may be distressed or she may appear totally calm, fearing her reaction if she loses control. There is no normal way to react ñ each woman deals with rape in whatever way she can.
If you are the husband / partner you may feel rejected if she does not want intimate contact with you. Be patient, offer non-sexual comfort and support. Never put pressure on her. This may last a long or short period.
A husband / partner may have difficulty accepting that his partner has been raped. You may need to find out more about the reality of rape. Your partner will not have wanted or enjoyed being raped. Do not imply in words or actions that she did. Ring the Rape Crisis & Sexual Abuse Centre to discuss these feelings if necessary.
Most women internalize the myths of rape and feel guilty that they should not have done more to stop / avoid rape. This does not mean she wanted or enjoyed being raped. Tell her that she was not to blame. Tell her that you do not blame her. Help her to put the blame where it belongs ñ on the rapist.
Donít tell her just to forget about it. Let her know that you will be available to talk to when she wants to. Some women will talk a lot, some very little. Some women will only speak after months or years. Be aware of the practical consequences. Pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases should be tested for.
Remember if a woman tells you she has been raped, she trusts you.