WHAT IS RAPE ?
Rape and its psychological effects on women who survive it
Although the legal definition of rape is narrow, our Centre recognizes that many other forms of sexual assault including anal and oral rape can be just as, if not more that psychologically damaging as vaginal rape. Most rapists are ordinary men. Many are not violent in other aspects of their lives.
While rape can involve the use of extreme sadistic violence involving weapons and ending in death, most rapists use the minimum force necessary in order to carry out the rape. Because there may not be bruising or outward physical scars many women blame themselves for not physically fending off their rapist. Most women are shocked when a man attempts rape and many will freeze for a variety of reasons. Many women fear they will not come out of the situation alive.
No one should ever blame themselves for what they were doing before the rape or how they reacted while it was taking place. Most murders of women involve a sado-sexual element, and it is not surprising that women fear for their lives in the rape situation. The vast majority of survivors have been raped by men they knew and trusted.
Women do not ask for or deserve rape. It does not matter how much a woman has had to drink, what drugs she had taken, what she was wearing or where she was. Many women are raped in their own homes or in other places they have felt safe, others blame themselves for accepting a lift or going for coffee with a man who turns out to be a rapist.
We have no way of knowing which men are rapists and which are not. Women are never to blame for rape, but we live in a society in which the portrayal of rape is used for entertainment in the media and is a subject joked about by men.
If you or someone you know has been raped you can ring our Centre. Our services will be available to you free of charge. You will be treated with dignity and respect and you will not be forced to report the rape or take any course of action you do not want to. You can talk to our counselors in complete confidence.
Rape can affect all areas of a womanís life and can have many consequences apart from the physical ones such as injury, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases. Being raped may have resulted in loss of a job, having to give up education or having had to move or being left homeless. Women who have been raped may experience some of the following effects. Remember you are not mad and all the reactions on the list below are perfectly normal reactions to an horrific experience :-
Shock, Fear, Anger, Numbness, Feelings of worthlessness, Guilt, Self blame, Loss of confidence and self esteem, Anxiety, Depression, An inability to concentrate in work or school, Feeling dirty and contaminated, Experiencing nightmares or flashbacks during the day, Problems in sexual relationships, Disgust at the act itself.
Problems in everyday relationships in and outside the family or at work or school (because you feel either that people donít understand, or care about what you are going through or they do not know about rape and expect you to behave the way you always did). Frustration at parents or partners who are overprotective towards you because of the rape.
Rape can also bring up memories of past abuses that you may have suffered such as domestic violence or child sexual abuse. You may also experience an inability to face reality, blocking out the rape and repressing all or part of the experience, being in denial. Despising yourself, feeling powerless, out of control or stupid. Feeling you are different from the rest of the world. Inability to trust or fear of men, even those you have known or trusted before, or fear of a certain type of man.
You may be confused about whether to report the rape or not or who you should tell, or be frustrated by problems you are encountering with professionals and others you have told. If you do not get the help you need at the right time you may feel suicidal, becoming anorexic, bulimic or agoraphobic or begin to harm yourself in other ways. You may also have turned to alcohol or drugs, either prescribed or illegal.
Do not wait until you are desperate, do something positive NOW, you are a survivor not a victim !