WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE ?
Child sexual abuse is much more common than the public would imagine. American statistics say that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 10 boys may experience sexual abuse before they reach adulthood.
The most common sexual abusers of children are their natural fathers, followed by other male family members such as brothers, uncles and grandfathers. Women and older children can also sexually abuse younger children but adult men commit the most abuse by far.
Experiences of child sexual abuse can vary widely. Some abusers may appear perfect parents or citizens in other ways. In other families extreme physical cruelty, neglect and/or emotional abuse can accompany sexual abuse.
If you were sexually abused as a child you may have experienced some of the following: sexual touching, being asked to masturbate or touch adults and other children by an adult, being subjected to pornography or penetration with objects, fingers or penis, being licked or kissed in sexual ways or being made to perform oral sex on adults or other children.
Child sexual abuse can have devastating and lifelong consequences. Abusers may use ruses to get children to comply with their wishes. This can include emotional blackmail or fooling the child into believing that this is the normal way of expressing love to a child, blackmail, threatening a child with "I'll be put in jail and you'll go into a home". Physical threats made to the child against itself or loved ones. Using games to make the abuse feel normal, using other children to engage another child into the abusive situation, bribery, making a child feel special ìour secretî.
There is a wide range of behaviours which children can exhibit which may be indicators of sexual abuse, too many to mention here but if you are worried about child sexual abuse you can ring the NSPCC or our Centre can send you further information or put you in touch with other agencies.
The psychological effects of sexual abuse are similar to those listed in our leaflet on rape. However, because these effects were building up over a long period and do not appear to be the result of one incident, then often the survivor does not connect them directly with her/his abuse. Unlike adult rape survivors who may have had positive sexual experiences before their attack, survivors of sexual abuse may feel that this will never be a possibility for them. The most damaging aspect of child sexual abuse is that the abuser manipulates the childís developing sexuality.
The abuse may start before the child has any understanding about the meaning of the sexual act and what the normal boundaries are in relation to it. Children have sexual feelings which they should be allowed to develop at puberty. Abusers manipulate the childís sexuality, awakening feelings in a child which they are too young to understand.
Children often find parts of the abuse physically pleasurable to some degree, and it is this which causes the most pain and guilt as an adult survivor. This does not mean that they wanted to be abused or "enjoyed" it. Almost every survivor who comes to the Centre for counselling believes that she alone has had those feelings. Often abusers can manipulate the child to the point where the child initiates contact with the adult.
Abusers target children who are most vulnerable. If you were sexually abused you must begin to try and believe that it was not your fault. A child can never be held responsible for being sexually abused regardless of how he/she felt about the abuse at the time, and no matter how long it lasted. Many women do not manage to stop the abuse from happening until they are adults and leave home. You may have heard the theories which say that victims grow into abusers. This fear is more predominant in male survivors. Remember that most survivors do not abuse children, and if anything, are overprotective towards their own children.
Experiencing abuse yourself is never an excuse to abuse others. You may have problems in forming relationships as an adult. Most survivors of sexual abuse feel that not only have they been robbed of their childhood, but also their future as an adult. Many have missed out on education and performed less well at school than they would have if they hadnít have been abused.
You may have had no family support, having been afraid to tell as a child, or worse still, having told been disbelieved and rejected. Many survivors are able to overcome most or some of their problems as a result of counselling and group work.
Remember that you have survived until now and that a counsellor may be able to help you find strengths which you thought you had lost.