RAPE OF MEN & BOYS
An increasing number of younger adult males are approaching our Centre for help. The fact that we now endeavor to help male survivors does not detach from the political analysis, which we hold regarding the unequal power relationships which make sexual assault possible in our society. We do not see that counselling men in any way erodes the feminist principles on which our organization was founded and which we are still proud to hold.
We had hoped over the years that men would eventually organize themselves and set up services to deal with sexual violence and abuse against males ñ this unfortunately has not happened. Our decision to offer the same services to men and women was taken on purely humanitarian grounds. We have found that men who have survived abuse (generally as boys but sometimes as adults usually at the hands of other adult men) do not wish to talk to another male about what has happened to them. We will continue to provide help to males as far as our resources permit, but we are hopeful that a specific organization may be set up and we are anxious to hear from any men who would like to help to do so.
Men who have experienced sexual violence or abuse during their childhood or as an adult experience many of the feelings common to female survivors. (see other leaflets in this series) However men experience these feelings and often act them out in different ways to women.
Men who have been abused generally have fears and doubts about their sexuality. If they are Gay they must deal with the prejudice common in Northern Irish society which often quite wrongly convinces them that either, they have ìturned outî Gay because of their abuse, or that they were assaulted because they were Gay and the abuser somehow sensed this.
Heterosexual men who are survivors of abuse often suffer from extreme homophobia because they believe that their abuser was Gay and that is why he abused. Gay men are no more likely to sexually assault an adult or child than the average heterosexual man is. Many child abusers are not particular about the sex of their victim and cannot be classified either as Straight or Gay, they are, quite simply ABUSERS and that is the defining factor of their sexuality.
Straight men who have been abused often fear that they may be secretly homosexual because of physical responses they may have experienced during their assaults. Most survivors of childhood sexual abuse have experienced involuntary physical arousal, (this does not mean that they enjoyed being abused or wanted it to happen, even if the abuser manipulated the young person into being the ëinstigatorí on occasions ñ this is where a lot of shame and guilt stems from. However because arousal in young men is so visibly obvious male survivors often feel higher levels of guilt and shame because the abuser used their physical response against them.
Another very common fear in male survivors is that they will become an abuser. It is important to stress that the vast majority of male survivors of sexual abuse do not become sexual abusers of children. Nor is it an excuse for an abuser or rapist to justify his actions on these grounds. Unfortunately the myth that all male survivors are likely to become abusers has been popularized by professional people, predominantly probation officers and defence barristers who seek to find justification for the perpetrators of abuse.
Many men have difficulty with the concept of masculinity after being abused or raped. This can be problematic for our counselors who would not see it as their role to restore a sense of masculinity which in some of its manifestations is in itself damaging to women as a whole.
However, we can explore such issues with male clients and if we find that such male survivors are looking for support for something which we cannot give them we will endeavour to find them appropriate help outside the Centre.